He’s Off to College… and I’m Off My Rocker

What do you do when your firstborn is all set to leave the nest?

Well… for those who don’t know me, I’m a single, badass mom to two amazing teenagers.
Now, I know I’ve always said I’ll be the happiest when both the kids are off to college—finally free time, quiet meals, and a house that stays clean for more than 10 minutes. But now that the day is here… turns out, 99% of me is a puddle of emotions I wasn’t ready for.

There was a time when I dreamt of this moment. Of them soaring high, chasing dreams, discovering life. But now that it's actually happening, all I can think about is how I won’t be hearing, “Maa, where are my socks?” or “Can I have Maggi?” at random hours. I won’t be on emergency medicine duty when he’s got a cold or reminding him (again!) to drink water. That void is suddenly very real.

My son, my firstborn, is stepping into a whole new world—college, adulthood, freedom—and while I’m bursting with pride, I can’t lie… I’m also terrified. Not because I doubt him, but because being his mom, being their mom, has been the core of my identity for so long.

And next year, when my daughter leaves too… well, there goes the last piece of noise and chaos that made my world whole.

People talk about empty nest syndrome like it’s just a phase. But for a single parent who’s given everything to raise strong, kind, resilient kids—it’s more than that. It’s like rewriting your identity from scratch. Who am I if I’m not cooking for them, cleaning up after them, worrying obsessively over every fever or missed meal?

But I guess this is the part where I learn to fly again too. Maybe rediscover myself. Maybe finally write the book I’ve been pushing to the backburner, take that solo trip I never dared to, or learn to sleep without waiting for a door to open late at night.

So here’s to every parent quietly breaking down in the grocery aisle because they won’t need to buy his favorite snack anymore. Here’s to growth, to letting go, and to finding yourself all over again.

And to my son—I’ll always be your biggest cheerleader, your safe place, and your loudest prayer.

A Place called HOME

They say “Home is where the heart is,” so where is your home? Mine…I don’t know.

Hi my name is Maya and I need help in figuring out where my home is!

For 10 years I thought I knew where my home was and now I seem a little lost! No, I do not have amnesia and I am not kidding. Well here is my story!

Sitting in my room, all alone, on a cold gloomy day, I can’t help but think of a place called ‘home.’ A place where I belong. Being married for 10 years and single for more, I sometimes long for HOME! Being young and in love for me home was where you were…my heart was with you and yours with me.

Now that I’m older and wiser, what was once my home, is no longer mine. I see strange faces, people and memories I can’t relate with. So, I decide to look for my home…a place I call home.

I look everywhere, can’t find my home. I start focusing on myself. I work on myself, my work and yes I am and will always be a work in progress. I find friends, family, friends like family…but no place that I can call home! I am with friends, but still lonely. I know I’m not alone, I’m lonely!

I sit here on a cold, dark night; I hear a voice withstanding the wind, trying to deliver words. I hear your voice…calling me from afar. My heart trembles, I want to hold your hand. Who are you?

Why is your voice calling me? It brings a tear in my eyes. Does it answer your question of why I’m crying? Your haunting voice envelopes me, I am lost. How do I find you? Who are you?

It could be stupidity, your voice is familiar and it brings parts of memories I cannot recall. I want you to notice me, come to me. Is this a dream or are you real?

I don’t care anymore, I know it is YOU I want and need. You are my home…my place I can call home. In the desert you are my oasis. Your voice is louder and my heart pulls me towards you more. I want you to come to me or give me a way to come to you.

I may not know where home is or has been for you but I will tell you where home is for me….YOU ARE MY HOME and all the decisions and choices I make now, will only make me come closer to you.

Have you seen the Sky?

“Twinkle twinkle little star, how I wonder what you are, Up above the world so high, like a diamond in the sky!”

No, I’m not reciting the nursery rhyme…these lines popped into my head as I stared into the sky at 2am.

Have you ever looked at the sky late at night, when everyone is fast asleep, no soul on the street and no sounds from anywhere? I did this last week and trust me it changed a little.

I am not the philosophical types; definitely not a deep thinker…but have you ever seen the sky post 2pm?

All alone with just a few stars and clouds to give it company, the sky still feels lonely. Not a single bird or plane in sight, it spreads through the vast universe covered in stars…stars that hold secrets. Secrets that they share, the sky and the stars.

Looking at the sky, made me realize…we all look for beauty everywhere else; but have you seen the sky post 2pm?

The sky reminded me of Vincent Van Gogh’s famous painting, “The starry night”..with the stars, as radiating orbs spread across the sky with clouds swirls. The sky doesn’t know how many stars it holds, each star bigger than the other and yet they all live harmoniously together…so why can’t we live like the stars?

Now, I am no motivational speaker, or a Tedx Talk speaker, but have you seen the sky post 2pm?

It somehow soothes you, makes you realize that you are brave and strong! You have come a long way from where you were and that the sky is the limit and the stars are always there to guide you when you feel lost. Just how stars shine brightly, so are you shining brightly in your own way!

I am not a writer or a poet, but have you seen the sky post 2pm?

The beauty of the stars can make just about anyone a poet or a singer or even a writer. the silence all around and the massive sky in all darkness with just a few stars twinkling, makes you realize that even in pure darkness, there is light, there is hope and we just have to find that and never let go!

With music playing in the background, my mind takes me places in my past…now, I am not depressed, anxious or troubled; but have you seen the sky post 2am?

The stars are at home in the sky, it took me back to my childhood home, all the decisions and choices I made since then and where they have brought me today. All the houses that were once a home to me and now are just places in memory. I know I will never regret any choices I made, for they made me who I am, a star in my own way, in my own sky!

Like I said, I am not a philosopher, but have you seen the sky post 2pm?

About Coffees and Conversations

 

Linda Lambert once said, “One good conversation can shift the direction of change forever.” I couldn’t agree more, but while a conversation can shift the direction; it can’t do so on its own. A conversation is usually powered by a nice, hot, strong cup of coffee!

Yes! Coffee is life and for those who don’t know, I love coffee and coffee loves me. At times I feel it is addicted to me!

Phrases like “Let’s catch up over a cup of coffee” or “Let’s discuss it over coffee” are not just words for me, they indicate meaningful conversations.  When was the last time you had a meaningful conversation over coffee?  Rather; any kind of conversation at all?

Over the years the entire concept of talking or catching up over a cup of coffee has been replaced by just taking a break and checking your phone or social media.

So, what is special about having a conversation over coffee, you might ask. For one, coffee conversations are more relaxed unlike dinner conversations, which come with overtones of some degree of pressure. The very atmosphere that gets created with the smell of freshly ground coffee filling the air makes the perfect setting to talk, read, think or just observe people around.

Recently I had a very busy week and all I wanted was to just have some time alone and catch up on a book I had started reading a few weeks back. So, I went to a café….while sipping on my coffee and reading my book, I looked up to see the other people around. Now the crowd was mainly college kids; that was good, but they were in the café not for meeting friends…they were there for the free wifi. All the kids had their eyes fixed on their phone screens either playing some online games or watching something!

What is this generation coming to!!!??

Call me an old soul, but I love it when my friends ask to meet me over coffee because that’s when we catch up over everything going on with each other. I love the smell of coffee; it reminds me of all the good times and conversations I’ve had with people. More than people, the times I’ve had with myself!

Nowadays, people are busy texting, tweeting, Instagramming or Whatsapping pictures or stories about what they are doing; rather than experiencing those moments!

Coffee is synonymous with celebration and sadness. Whether it is love, promotion, heartbreak or something as simple as wanting some time-out, coffee is the perfect reason to zone out with your thoughts.

To be honest, I met my husband over Coffee! Why am I mentioning this? Well, this is to highlight how important it is to have some time-out. Not just my husband, I met my muse over coffee!

Have you ever wondered why children have a favourite book? Well, they like the story, but more than the story; they love the time when they snuggle up next to their parent and read it. When they read that book again, it’s like they are reliving those memories. So why can’t this new generation also live the moments rather than being in a constant race to outshine each other on a rather fake world (Social media)?

Something like this happened with me. I had just moved back with my mom and had no job. Since I was back in my hometown after what seemed a decade; I went to my old school to meet my old teachers. Since most of them had left the school, we decided to meet over a cup of coffee.

We met up and had a wonderful time remembering the good old school days and how the teachers dealt with our gobbledygook. While leaving I just mentioned that I was looking for a job but had no clue as to what I wanted to do. An old teacher of mine, who had taught us Economics in school, stayed back with me to discuss everything right from what I had done after school to what I was doing then. After he heard it all, he offered me a job at the school where he was the Principal.

It was like magic for me, how over a discussion at a cafe, I found my calling. The experience showed me how things fall in place when you communicate. Had I not spoken and asked for help, I might still be lost and trying to find my way. Though time and circumstances gave me newer and better opportunities, I still remember how that coffee meet changed my life. It played a role in helping me gain confidence and experience..and oh boy! What a lovely experience which only prepared me for what lied ahead!

There are days when I need a break from the world and my kids; that is when my good ol’ friend…Coffee comes to my rescue. I sit with my book and a cup of coffee in my room without any distractions or disturbances. There are times when my friend and I have coffee together over a video call and we have a blast!

I suppose Coffee represents the carefree moments and the memories created. It may not be with friends or family, maybe it might be a time when you are just sitting in a cozy corner of your house, reading a book and getting lost in it. A time when you are totally focused in a book and transported into another magical world. A time when you are with friends or family with no other distractions; no worries of the world; totally living the moment and enjoying it. So be present in that time, talk, laugh, cry, scream and just be alive!

Well, coffee is all that and more, magical just like the tagline of Café Coffee Day (CCD); “A lot can happen over COFFEE.”

 

Happy 8.5th Birthday!!!

"So which day do you exactly celebrate? "Is one question I'm asked every time I inform someone that I'm a leap year born! The answer I give is for 3 days!

Bring born on February 29 has the basic advantage of being able to choose when I want to celebrate my birthday whether February 28 or March 1!  People start wishing from 28th Feb and the wishing continues till March 2nd....The confusion of the dates leads to people wishing over an extended period of time!

While the people born on Leap year (or as I like to call them Leapers) are always hearing the same jokes again and again about their birthdays....a few advantages of being a Leapling that nobody else has are:

1. While everybody is turning 40....we're actually turning 10!

2. We can make our birthday into an event. When your birthday happens every four years like the Olympics, you have a better excuse to go all out. Leap-year babies can set up a spectacular party, visit friends and relatives and generally have an excellent time.

3. We age only .25 every year till Leap year

4.  People remember our birthday. Although mostly people tend to forget our birthdays during non-leap years, but February 29, is a date everyone remembers to wish...after all there are very few people born on that date!

5. Facebook can’t decide when your birthday is, just like everyone it too gets confused listing the dates!

All kinds of interesting things happen in February. Valentine’s Day. President’s Day. Black History Month. None of these involve me in the slightest, but February in a leap year has ME written all over it....it's MY month and MY birthday.

I know 2018 is NOT a leap year, but hey! We're half way there!!
                             HAPPY  BIRTHDAY TO ME!!!!!

Go get a life...LIFE!

 

Dear Life,

I was madly in love with you, but lately you’ve been acting like a Jerk!

Yes you heard it right…JERK! I asked you to be simple; I requested you and finally pleaded you to be simple….but do you listen to me? NO! You throw some or the other challenge in my face every single day….Why? I’m so irritated with you….I could punch you in the face! But then again it would mean I am punching myself in my face.

Let me remind you again it's MY life! I’m gonna live it my way, I am a strong woman and will not let anyone steal my sunshine! I don’t know what tomorrow holds for me and my children and it scares me sometimes but why should I spoil my present....this time....this moment, worrying about tomorrow? I still have to live tomorrow but this moment will never come back. Don’t make me cry or worry, rather just let me smile, laugh and live this moment with my children carefree and happy.

I just want to live while I’m alive and give my children a childhood with happy memories, I want them to be thankful for whatever they have and be satisfied. I do not want them to follow in my footsteps, rather create their own path and experiences, this is how they would be stronger and humble human beings!

Tomorrow may get harder but we have to get through it together and we will come across many people who may or may not be with us but I strongly believe that each and everybody we meet, teaches us some or the other lesson whether good or bad. So let’s thank everyone and continue our journey, like Dory says in Finding Nemo...Just keep swimming!

‘What will happen in your fate,

Will depend on how you think, mate

So forget about things like defeat

Let positive thoughts make your day complete

Decide that you won’t give up, once and for all

Even in tough times, you will stand tall

Keep pushing even if you are tired

Don’t stop until you get what you desired

                                                     Keep trying even if you are out of breath

                                                   Don’t let anything scare you, not even death.’

I don’t know who wrote these lines, but they inspire me and give me courage to keep going when I feel completely lost. So my dear life, its time you got your act together and not act funny! Please!!!

Perfectly Imperfect Me!

"I heard we live and die by the choices we make,

and there's only so much a person can take.

so remember life goes on,

and it hurt's when someone leaves and is gone.

Always remember keep your head up,

another door opens every time one is shut."

Such beautifully written lines that I read somewhere and it's so true...we do live and die by the choices we make in life, everything that happens with us teaches us a lesson...I have learnt that I'm not Perfect....I don't wish to be Perfect!! I want to be Happy! With all my shares of ups and downs I know I survived and I know everything that has ever happened in my life has taught me to move on and to be HAPPY! 

People say we should be strong, but I think it's okay to let your guards down once in a while, it's okay to cry, it's okay to be scared about the future because first of all we are not ROBOTS, we are living beings with feelings and nobody can ever expect you to be strong always and it is during such times, such low points in our lives that we really think about the choices we have made and try improving on them, If necessary. There is no such thing as a "PERFECT LIFE", if there is a life it will have its share of sorrows and joys! In the words of Ronan Keating..."Life is a rollercoaster, we've just gotta ride it!!"

I'm not perfect and I will never be...I don't want people to like me for their idea of a perfect person, rather I want them to like me for who I am...Perfectly imperfect ME!